Ranking the Bond Girls

Brownie's Rankings 

5. Tiffany Case – Diamonds Are Forever

Ok so maybe she isn’t the best-looking Bond girl to grace the big screen, but there is something about her that makes her unforgettable. She is devilish, sassy, and kind of a bitch, and if you look at my recent history with girls, that is just my type. Normally I’m not a fan of the burners, but in this case I’ll make an exception: In the immortal words of Matthew McConaughey, “I love those redheads, man.”

4. The World Is Not Enough Girls, Elektra King and Christmas Jones

I just couldn’t pick one of them, so in true Bond fashion, I picked both. If you’re a straight guy and Sophie Marceau doesn’t do it for you in that movie then you just simply don’t deserve a wiener. That French accent is boner-incarnate, and Marceau has never been sexier. Oh and no big surprise, but Denise Richards is. Just. Hot. Granted their characters’ names sound like something out of a Spike Lee comic, which just really embodies everything that the Pierce Brosnan era of Bond represents (one shitty one-liner after another), but I have no problem looking the other way on this one.

3. Vesper Lynd – Casino Royal (2006)

It wasn’t easy to follow up Ursula Andress, but I think it is safe to say that Eva Green did Vesper’s character more than justice. Not only was she sexy, but that was also maybe one of the best Bond girl performances of all time.

Do yourself a favor and look up “Vesper Lynd dress” on Google images. I’m pretty confident that you’ll thank me in about 15 minutes.

2. Honey Rider – Dr. No

Not my favorite Bond movie, although it is a good one. I think that Honey was fine but didn’t stand out as a particularly special Bond girl. Except for the fact that she is SMOKING HOT. I don’t know if there has ever been a hotter Bond girl than Ursula Andress’s character. Pretty sure every guy on earth would go Winnie the Pooh in a second for that Honey. Just talking about her gives me a semi.

1. Major Anya Amasova – The Spy Who Loved Me

Not actually foreign but my god does she make one sexy Russian. Something about her double agent status gets my marbles rolling. And on top of that she is one of my favorite Bond characters ever, in one of the best Bond movies. Really just the complete package.

Marsh's Rankings 

Barely missing the cut Melina Havelock (For For Eyes Only), Wai Lin (Tomorrow Never Dies), Anya Amasova (Spy Who Loved Me), 

5. Xenia Onnatop-GoldenEye 

Death never felt so good

What's better than a hot, nympho villain? Very little. I'm pretty sure she gave me one of my earliest hard-ons. Also, she was extremely considerate by servicing her men before she killed them. Amazing woman. 

4. Tracy Bond-On Her Majesty's Secret Service 

Spoiler. She Dies. 

You gotta put his one and only wife. On Her Majesty's Secret Service is easily the most overlooked film over the franchise (even more so then the Dalton ones). But just because you're overlooked, doesn't mean you're any less dangerous. 

While Lazenby is decent, both her and the film are fantastic. A lot of people argue that had Connery been in this one, it would be the best of the series and even though I hate "what if" questions...I'd have to agree. 

3. Pussy Galore-Goldfinger 

Talk about a hay ride. 

Aside from having the best name of the Bond series, Mrs. Galore is also in the best film, Goldfinger. In movie she's a beautiful blonde pilot who works for the obese, gold-obsessed German. The book is a lot more sexual and has Galore as a lesbian before Bond turns her bisexual and Goldfinger's obsession in the book is a lot more erotic.

2. Vesper Lynd-Casino Royale 

Spoiler. She dies too. 

I really had a hard time not putting her number one. I've never seen a Bond girl so sexy, classy, and intelligent all at the same time. Eva Greene is not only gorgeous, but she's also an amazing actress. Not to mention an amazing chest.

Her acting skills and portrayal of Vesper was so important to the Craig series and rebooting the franchise. We not only know why Bond is such a cold hearted motherfucker, but we understand and sympathize. Eva and Craig's acting brought a lot of validity to the series and was the major reason why Casino Royale was so good. 

1. Honey Ryder-Dr. No 

Giving us erections since 1962

She is quintessential Bond girl, there's very little doubt about that. The bikini scene is not only iconic for the Bond series, but for film in general. Even though I'd rather have Vesper by my side, Ryder is "the" Bond girl and always will be. Here's to you, Ursula Andress.