Things Not Stolen From Bob Stoops

For those who haven't heard, Bob Stoops' home in Oklahoma was burglarized last week. The invasion took place at approximately 3:30 in the morning as Bob and his wife were asleep. Thankfully, they were were unharmed in robbery. 

While Bob has numerous things, including his car, stolen...here's an official list of things that weren't stolen from the Bob Stoops home invasion. 


Kenny Stills' Hair Dye 

Aside from brilliantly masterminding big games, B. Stoops also loves to take on the role as team stylist.

Aside from insisting that Mike Gundy use more hair gel,  his greatest project to date is Kenny Stills' "Bleached Rooster Cut". Stoops said he got the inspiration from both a rooster and a late 90s/early 2000s Justin Timberlake. 

His 2006 KIA Rio

While his main car, or 'slab' as he calls it, may have been stolen...left behind was his 2006 KIA Rio, given to him as a gift from former quarterback, Rhett Bomar. 

The 2006 KIA Rio is an undisputed classic and a paramount to modern machinery. As some may know, it won Car and Driver's "Car of the Century" award a few years ago. 

Also left behind was Rhett Bomar's "time sheet" from Big Red's Imports proving his completion of the job as well as his innocence from numerous NCAA violations. 

His favorite Snuggie

Fashioned from Adrian Peterson's 2004 Red River Rivalry game uniform, there's nothing Bob loves more than getting cozy in his favorite Snuggie. 

Boxes of National Championship t-shirts 

Thanks to the Reggie Bush scandal, Bob dug out his box of shirts from the 2005 Orange Bowl and began tossing them in yards like newspapers around Norman as he declared the Sooners the National Champions from eight years ago. 

Just don't ask Bob about Florida and LSU. 

2007 Fiesta Bowl Trophy

Despite being a team of Danny Oceans, the master thieves could not locate this gem. They also came up short for the 2010 Trophy when they broke into Gary Patterson's house a few weeks back. 

Leads now point to a school in Idaho nicknamed "The Harvard of the Northwest". 

Signed photo of Sam Bradford 

 The very personal photo, which Stoops keeps on his nightstand, was thankfully not stolen. However it was vandalized (see below)

Bradford, OU's second Heisman winner under Stoops, has a special place in Bob's heart. Even though OU lost to Texas in 2008, Bradford still beat out Colt McCoy for the Heisman Trophy that year. To thank Bob for all he did, Sam personalized the photo writing: 

"B-

Thanks for 'everything'...haha. :) 

xoxo

-Sam " 

Also left behind was Bob's Sam Bradford Rams jersey, which he wears every Sunday under his Adrian Peterson Snuggie. 

The good news is that we know the identity of one of the thieves...

...the bad news is the other culprit has still not been named/caught. 

Yet there are some startling clues that may help reveal the identity of the second thief. 

Here are some of the suspicious items stolen...

Bob's Seven Big 12 Championship Rings 

There is no surprise that a thief would want these. But none have turned up at any pawn shops or eBay, leaving the possibility that these weren't stolen for financial gain, but rather personal gain. 

Let's say a certain someone were to have three Big 12 titles, stealing seven may make them feel like they've won a triumphant ten. 

Bob's acting reel 

Before he was a football coach, B. Stoops had a dream a moving to LA to pursue his real dream of becoming a famous actor. 

Inspired by the greatest football-player-turned-actor of all time, Mark Harmon, Bob thought he too could make this transition. After a year of struggling as a waiter and performing as Chewbacca outside the famous Chinese Theater, Bob temporarily gave up his true passion and returned to the University of Iowa as a graduate assistant. 

Unlike Mark Sanchez with a football, Bob still holds on tight to this dream and has even made an acting reel. In addition to his Emmy Award winning AT&T commercial, Bob's reel includes scenes from The Godfather Part III, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, as well as the Mark Harmon classic, Summer School. 

Whoever did this, hit Bob where it truly hurts. 

JAG: The Complete Series on BluRay 

I'm speechless. This alone deserves life in prison. 

For those who don't know, JAG was a modern masterpiece that rivals The Wire and Seinfeld as the most compelling thing to ever be put on television. 

Much like Twin Peaks, JAG was a cult hit in its time. Though it only lasted ten seasons, JAG's spirit was kept alive by its loyal demographic of senior citizens with plastic covered couches and personal injury attorneys who loved to cosplay the show during trial. 

The fact that Bob can no longer enjoy this wonderful series on the incredible technology of BluRay is very unsettling. 

In addition to these stolen items, Bob's house and some of his possessions were vandalized:

--Possibly inspired from the movie Home Alone, the culprits left all the sinks clogged and running...causing serious flooding damage 

--A Red River Rivalry Highlights 2000-2012 Coffee Table Book: 

            Written in silver sharpie throughout the book were phrases such as "U SUK", and "I'll Get You Next Year" 

--His prized Sam Bradford picture (see above)-
          Also drawn in silver sharpie was a large penis in the direction of Bradford's mouth. 

--Saving the worst for last...the cream in Bob's creamed filled donuts were replaced by mayonnaise and the frosting on his Oreos were replaced by toothpaste. 

The only known photograph of the second suspect is a blacked out photo from a few years ago. IF YOU KNOW WHO THIS MAN  IS, PLEASE CONTACT THE AUTHORITIES