Brownie's Wise Words and Tips for Tech Weekend.
The Rash is Coming
For the first time in years, the Raider Rash is coming to
Fort Worth.
Unranked Texas Tech is coming to play the no. 9 Horned Frogs
(I am now using the Playboy rankings instead of the AP rankings, at least until
we are ranked higher in the AP than in Playboy), and believe me when I say that
the storm will be one of legend.
First of all, I think it goes without saying that the
industries of Trojan condoms, penicillin, morning after pills, and pregnancy
tests are about to see a massive spike in sales. Also, don’t be surprised if
the TCU health center shuts down Monday from too much business.
This weekend is homecoming for TCU (which lets be honest,
homecoming hasn’t been relevant since you were 16 years old, hoping that the
tux you rented from Men’s Warehouse looks good enough to get you some action in
the back seat of your car). However, the bigger deal to me is the impending
storm.
Depending on how much school the Rash is willing to miss,
the storm could last anywhere from 3-6 days this week, and it will be unlike
anything Frog fans are used to.
Coming from Lubbock, which is only a notch higher than
cellar-dweller College Station on the “Places I’m eager to visit” scale, the
Rash is going to enjoy the hell out of the Fort Worth bar and social scene.
This does not bode well for the TCU women, long recognized
for their prestige, beauty, and elegance, as they will be hit on by the Rash
men, long recognized for… well, the rash.
The Rash men will strike relentlessly and are likely to take
“no” about as well as an SMU Sig Ep.
Men of TCU, I have but two pieces of advice: 1. Double bag.
Do it. 2. If you have a girlfriend then this weekend you lock them up tighter
than the chastity belt on a Baylor cheerleader.
Mark my words and mark them well.
I don’t know much in this crazy, crazy world but I know
this: Shit is going to get fucking crazy this weekend.
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