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The Real Top 10 (According to Brownie)

1.     USC – I say this with great sadness. I genuinely hate the University of Spoiled Children with every fiber of my being. I hate what they represent. I hate their ultra-douche coach. I hate their stupid mascot. I hate their golden boy Matt Barkley (who in my opinion is destined for a Tiger Woods-esque sex scandal, only with little Asian boys in the back of a liquor store in the middle of Compton). And I hate that the only badass athlete they have produced in the last decade got removed from their record books for taking an escalade (something that I was under the impression was part of the standard welcome package for USC athletes). All that being said, even I cannot deny that they are fucking loaded. Matt Barkley (the Asian boy sex scandal waiting to happen) is the real deal, in terms of college quarterbacks. I don’t think he projects well as a pro, but he is a leader, knows the system, and his teammates adore him. In college, when you have those traits to go along with mediocre talent and a stupid plethora of ultra talented skill players, you are going to be successful. Speaking of that plethora of skill players, they have the best in the country. Marquis Lee and Robert Woods make up the best 1-2 punch in recent memory, and their backfield is awfully good too, boasting two 1,000-yard rushers in Curtis McNeal and Silas Redd (douche). Oh yeah, and their defense is going to make the pac-10 offenses (Oregon excluded) look like the Atlantic 10. I hate USC, but I’m a realist, and I know talent when I see it.

2.     Alabama – The defending SEC bronze medalists are going to be loaded on defense again. While many of the big names are gone, it would be a death wish to bet against them. Nick Saban makes Lane Kiffin look like the Fonz, but I can’t deny his ability to coach defense and get the best out of his blue-chip athletes. He coaches through fear, which typically backfires more often than not, but in this case it works. Bama’s players have accepted that if they let Saban go team RamRod on their ass then they will be set for long, successful careers of badassery. A.J. McCaron is a chode, but luckily he is not asked to do much in Saban’s old-school ground and pound offense. He is going to average about 240 yards per game, throw about 21 TDs, and not do much more. As long as he keeps his INT number below the 13-15 range, his offense is going to be just fine. Why? Two words: Eddie Lacy. This guy is the best running back that you have heard of, but don’t know anything about. He is going to be the next 1,300-yard rusher to don the Crimson jersey. When it is all said and done, Bama will not play for the national title this year. Unless of course they lose at home to LSU and do not even play for the SEC title. Then they’re a shoe-in to raise the crystal football this season.

3.     Oregon – Say what you want about their quarterback situation but the fact is whoever they roll out there this season will put up better numbers than Darron Thomas (who declared early for the NFL after two seasons of very, very mediocre numbers against below average competition, even though he was completely surrounded by world class speed and athleticism. My guess is that a drug violation was in that boy’s future if he stayed). Their defense is going to be insanely underrated. Their D-Line is huge, their secondary is fast, and their LBs play with a serious “fuck you for undervaluing me” mentality that only TCU fans have grown accustomed to in the last five years. As far as skill players, they lost LaMichael James. And that’s it. Kenjon Barner is a stud. DeAnthony Thomas is the most electric player to come through the Pac-10 since Reggie Bush. Their other receivers are not overly talented, but they make up for it by being super athletic and fitting the system perfectly. Long story short, the Duck is going to lead all mascots in pushups again this season.

4.     Oklahoma – My Texas roots make my cringe as I write this, but the fact is the Sooners are loaded. Their defense will be about as good as a Big-12 (10) defense can be (with the exception of UT’s NFL caliber defense), with multiple studs returning, and their offense should be just as good. If Landry Jones can not suck enough to get the ball to his elite core of skill players, Kenny Stills can stay out of women’s clothing (look it up), and Jazzy Hands Reynolds can stay on the team (seriously, what the fuck. Why is he still on the team? Reports said that he was a multiple violator of team policies. Bob Stoops has proven yet again that he will do whatever it takes to get blown out in a BCS bowl.) then the Sooners should emerge Big-12 (10) champions with a very good shot at getting blown out in a BCS bowl game/playoff game this year.

5.     LSU – Undoubtedly this comes as a shock to a lot of people. Let me preface by saying that I had them at number three before the Honey Badger’s dismissal. They are breaking in a new QB, who despite the talent he is supposed to have, I don’t see a rookie quarterback fairing particularly well against SEC defenses, (Cam Newton is the exception here). Will LSU put up gaudy numbers on defense? Yes. Even without their most electric playmaker they are going to be stacked. They have the best defensive end combo in the country, and their safeties are ultra studly. Ultimately I just don’t see their offense performing well enough in crucial situations, and because of this I see them dropping one or two tough games. Will they be good? Yes. Will they be great? Probably not.

6.     Michigan – Brady Hoke is one of the top five coaches in the country. Denard Robinson can’t throw. Luckily he can run circles about anybody. Their skill players are skilled enough. Their defense will be eerily similar to the Michigan defenses of yore. I can’t keep a straightface and say that they are national title contenders, especially since they will be starting the season 0-1. However, they are a team that absolutely nobody will want to play, and I would not be the least bit surprised if they end the season by lifting the Big-10 (12) trophy. Big Blue is almost back, and this season will be a huge step in the right direction.

7.     South Carolina – Probably not the SEC East team you were expecting, but I think they will be much more loaded than people think. Steve Spurier is one of the perennial badasses in college football. Marcus Lattimore is an absolute monster. Seriously, I would bet money that he could run through a brick wall if it was on his way to the end zone.  Connor Shaw is the most underrated QB in the SEC, and maybe the country. Their defense got a makeover but they are still a defense to be feared. Jadeveon Clowney is going to terrorize opposing quarterbacks all season, and could easily end someone’s season on any snap. They should emerge as the SEC east champions this year, and will actually challenge the SEC west champion for the SEC crown (although realistically, it will be the west who win again).

8.     Florida State – As usual, they are grossly overhyped. They are going to drop an easy game, despite playing in a conference that rivals the Big East* for the weakest power conference in the country. On top of that they will lose to either Clemson or VaTech. They just will. Its what they do. FSU will finish the year with anywhere from 2-4 losses and a lot of questions. I don’t know who is saying that FSU is back, but they are probably the same ones who have been saying something similar about Notre Dame for the last five years.

9.     Georgia – This is lower than most would have the dawgs, but I just could not bring myself to rank them higher. And let me make something clear. I love UGA, I love the atmosphere, the town, the women, the traditions, the women, the uniforms, the stadium, the history, the women, but I just don’t think they are going to be as good as people say. Yes they have a fair amount of talent, particularly on a possibly stacked defense, but they just won’t be as good on offense as some project. Aaron Murray is a middle of the road SEC starter, I’m sure that he runs UGA, but he won’t run the league. And their best running back is gone. On top of that, it has been years since they have had a stud at wide receiver. They have a lot of two and three type receivers but nobody who is going to strike fear into those gaudy SEC secondaries.

10. Wisconsin – Montee Ball is one of my favorite players in the whole NCAA. He is a stud and is one of the few guys who you can look at and say that he has gotten better every season. He will have to carry the reloading process on his back but I think he can do it, particularly since the entire offense is built around him. The defense will be good enough for the Big-10 (12), and the line should still weigh more than three tons, so I like them to challenge Michigan for the Big-10 (12) title this season.

 Marsh's Updated Top Ten 

 

10. TCU

9. Michigan 

8. West Virginia  

7. Michigan State 

6. South Carolina 

5. Oklahoma 

4. LSU

3. Oregon 

2. Alabama 

1. USC

        Basically, I only bumped LSU from 2 to 4. I didn't add/remove anyone. I probably should've moved LSU one back...if any at all. Mr. Badger was a huge loss, but not devastating. They can easily win just as many games without him, but it will be slightly tougher. It's not so much his stats that were impressive in LSU's 2011 season, but the invisible force-field he put over the rest of the team after he made a big a play. Once the Badger struck, it was all over for the other team and he gave the Tigers their confidence mojo.

   
        Here's also a quick reason for why I don't have Texas, Georgia, Arkansas, Wisconsin, and FSU in my Top 10. 

     

Texas-On paper, this should be probably the second best team in the nation...even without the whole QB aspect. But we know what Mac does(or doesn't do) with the talent he has. Paraphrasing the newest Bourne movie, he is given a Ferrari and treats it like a fucking lawnmower. I added "fucking". 

                 Georgia-If I should have one team in there, it should be them. But UGA, much like FSU never lives up to preseason hype. That being said--I can easily see a TCU/UGA matchup at Jerry World come January for the Cotton Bowl though. The world may never see such a concentration of drunk assholes and beautiful women again in their lives. 

Arkansas-Losing your coach never helps. Even if you have all the talent in the world, it takes a little while to regain full strength after you lose your leader. 

Wisconsin-Maybe it's because I don't like them or I still feel that Marky Mark and the Spartans got cheated out of a BCS last year. I mean, they beat these fucking cheese-dicks and still don't get any respect. 'Sconi is good, but the Big 10 (12) will be too good for them to be a Top 10 team. I say this  even though I'd rather watch someone with a bad stutter sing any number of the Bob Dylan songs that exceed over 7 mins then watch pretty much any Big 10(12) game. 

FSU-I don't even know what to say when I see FSU in the top 10. I have actually gained a lot of respect for Kirk Herbstreit when I realized just how bad the rest of the ESPN college football world is. But he actually picked these clowns to BEAT USC? This is the same shit every year. Everyone regrets putting FSU in their top ten and asks themselves "Why did I do this again...it won't happen next year", but then guess what---it does. Yuck.