Mr. Brown Has a COW

Mr. Brown’s Cunt of the Week

I promised myself that I would save this one for a rainy day when I couldn’t think of another. But then I figured that the odds are pretty good that I will write about him again. So here’s to you Tim Tebow, you are the inaugural COW.

Now to Tebow’s defense, the guy has not actually done anything that douchey this week, in fact all he has done this week is fail to lead the Jets to the endzone, or show any signs of being able to play NFL quarterback. For that, I actually applaud him. He is failing on the biggest stage and I love every second of it.

No, Tebow earns this position because of his performance the entire summer. His infamous shirtless run through the rain was among one of the douchiest things I have ever seen. I get it that the media filmed it and he didn’t technically have anything to do with it. But come on. The guy, for God knows why, attracts media attention harder than Tiger Woods attracts trailer trash streetwalkers. He knew damn well what he was doing.

I have always respected Tebow for what he does as a humanitarian, but I have always hated him as an athlete. I mean don’t get me wrong, I would kill to have his skill set and be a piss poor, overhyped NFL quarterback. But lets be real, this guy is a pop star player. He is the Justin Beiber of professional sports. Everything about him is a gimmick. And Rex Ryan is smart and he knows that. He has built his entire team around gimmicks and as much as he will never admit this, he loves it. The Jets love media attention and because of where they are they get plenty of it. I mean they made people believe Mark Sanchez was a star for shits sake.

I guess what it boils down to is this Tebow, just embrace that you are a sideshow act and stop parading around like you are a real talent. And definitely stop doing the whole “they underestimate me” thing. Nobody underestimates you because you just aren’t that good. To anyone who would argue that Tebow’s leadership ability is why he wins, shame on you. Leadership is important in the NFL, but so is actual talent. Tebow won in Denver because of defense, special teams, and the fact that God hates the Bears.

Tim Tebow, you are a shitty quarterback, you are destined for a sad career unless you switch to your natural H-back position, you can’t keep your shirt on, you can’t move away from the cameras, and you have tricked ESPN from moving its studio from Bristol Connecticut to the back side of your jock strap. For these reasons and more, you, Tim Tebow, are our cunt of the week.