BPN's Top 5 Sharkdown

By Brett Neal 

After watching Discovery Channel all week, I've decided that I too am a shark expert. In all honesty, I did have dreams of becoming a marine biologist. From age 5-1o all I did in my spare time was play computer games like The Magic School Bus Explores the Ocean, and Freddi Fish. I even recall a kindergarten art project we did in class where we made 3D ocean animals to hang from the classroom ceiling. I asked to make a giant squid, but got straight hoed by Mrs. McKinty and had to settle for a stupid normal octopus. I even dabbled in biology during my second half of sophomore year  because I'm an idiot, and ended up with a whopping 1.8 GPA that semester. Thus, the dream was killed. Like George Costanza, one day I will redeem myself.

In the meantime, here are what I think are the top 5 shark species alive today that don't get enough air time during Shark Week. No particular order.

1. Great Hammerhead Shark

The shape of their head is simply enough to put them in the top 5, but its more than just for looks. First, their wide-set eyes give them a better visual range than most other sharks. Their heads are also equipped with highly specialized sensory organs which allows them to scan for food more effectively.The Great Hammerhead can grow up to 20 feet in length (6 meters for you Canadians) and weigh up to 1,000 pounds. Oh yeah, and they travel in schools...

2. Shortfin Mako Shark

On first glance, the Mako can be commonly mistaken for a Great White. They are very similar, as they are both members of the Mackerel Shark order. Shortfin Mako's have been recorded at lengths of 14 feet, and can weigh up to 1400 lbs. If their size isn't enough to scare you, their torpedo shaped bodies make them the fastest shark in the ocean. Makos can attack at speeds of 30-60 mph. Usain Bolt fastest sprint was recorded at 27.79 mph, making the fastest human-being shark food. Also, some idiots fly-fish for these monsters.

3. Oceanic Whitetip Shark

The Oceanic Whitetip Shark doesn't wow anyone with its size, as they typically measure below 10 feet long and way no more than 350 lbs. They also typically fly solo unless there is a opportunity for a feeding frenzy. However, well renowned oceanographer Jacques Cousteau believed the Oceanic Whitetip to be "the most dangerous of all the sharks." I don't know if Jacques Cousteau has seen a Great White jump, but if so, then this is a bold statement. Especially because not many Whitetip attacks have been reported along coastal waters where people typically swim. The basis for Cousteau's argument could come from the reports from open waters, such as the 1945 torpedoing of the USS Indianapolis. The attack left hundreds of people jumping ship and swimming for their lives, yet the Whitetips came in and cleaned up the area. The sharks alone were thought to be responsible for up to 800 deaths. Later on during World War II, the steamship Nova Scotia had a similar fate. Of the 1,000 passengers aboard, only 192 survived. Whitetips again claimed the lives of hundreds. 

4. Goblin Shark

You may recognize this shark as the star in the SyFy original movie: Malibu Shark Attack. No? Shocker. Goblin Sharks were once thought to be extinct, but are actually just extremely rare sights. Scientists only knew this shark from studying fossils until July 25, 2000, when a live specimen was accidently caught in the Gulf of Mexico. Goblin Sharks are mostly bottom dwellers in deeper waters, and seldom cross a human being. The largest ever recorded was over 12 feet long, weighing in at 463 lbs. It still might be prettier than Hillary Swank. 

5. Basking Shark

Growing up to 33 feet long and 8,000 lbs, the Basking Shark is the second largest shark species alive today. Its gaping mouth is nothing to be feared, as the basking shark is simply a filter feeder. On the sides of his moth are "gill rakers," bristle-like structures that trap organisms as the filter large quantities of salt water . The Basking Shark can filter up to 1500 gallons of water per hour. Although he cracks my top 5, some wold say this shark sucks. Yay Puns.