Game of Thrones Recap: A Drunken Punch-up at a Wedding

We're going to need more wine 

As I said last week, good things come to those who wait and this week's episode of Game of Thrones was no exception.

So after a few 'slow episodes', Game of Thrones is back to doing what it does best and rewarding its fans. 

After some initial hesitation, I came to the conclusion the Hound was indeed going to help Arya on her quest to reunite with her family. He even gives her the opportunity to smash his head in with a huge rock. The Hound reveals his intentions of returning Arya to her family for a big reward and also reveals how he helped her sister Sansa from an angry mob of commoners. Arya, now without Gendry, realizes she is much safer with the Hound than she'd be on her own. So the Hound is #TeamStark...what a sweetheart, right? 

I will also never understand how both Samwell and Hotpie can go on all of these journeys on foot, walking tens of miles a day with little food and still be incredibly fat. But then again, Westeroes doesn't have many convenient 24 Hour Fitness locations north of King's Landing. Last night was probably Sam's best moment on screen as he saved himself and his inbred girlfriend and her inbred son from one of the white walkers. I totally thought Sam was going to get it. I mean he's fat, slow, and way too nice. So thank god for that dagger (which he also left behind). But all and all...a solid episode for him. 

The Baratheon/Gendry/Davos story last night was one of the season highs as well. Once again the writing shows just how brilliant it can be as Davos gave fantastic words of wisdom to Stannis. Also Gendry gets laid by the hottest crazy-bitch in Westeros.

Leeches after sex? Kinky. 

After getting sucked on by Mesliandre for a bit, Gendry also gets sucked on by some leeches. She hands them to Stannis and he gives three names; Robb Stark, Balon Greyjoy, and Joffrey Baratheon (in that order). This, I think is very important foreshadowing. I've long thought that Robb Stark will die this season or early next season and that only added to my suspicion. 

Also Arya already hates Melisandre, so may the Red God have mercy on her soul once Arya finds out she's been sleeping with her man. Oh no you didn't gurl...

During Days of Our Lannisters, The Tyrion/Sansa wedding was just as bit of brilliant as anything that's ever been on the show. Joffrey was at an all time high in terms of being the biggest little bitch in the 7 kingdoms. Though I will say his initial look to Sansa had me laughing to tears. 

Cersei was also a hardcore bitch this episode and the dialogue proved yet again to be insanely superb this episode. There was a rather intense moment as she walked around the wedding with Margaery and essentially told her that the Lannisters owned the Tyrells and would slaughter their entire family and kingdom if they ever got cheeky and tried to cross them. Cersei also told Margaery that she'd fucking choke her in her sleep if she ever referred to her as 'sister' again. 

Very Tony Soprano of her. 

And poor Tyrion. As if marrying the tallest middle school girl ever wasn't bad enough for an imp, his stool (to match her height and robe her) got taken way by Twatfrey. Not only that, he's in love with a prostitute who his father will kill if he ever sleeps with her again. 

So he does what any man (or half man) would do...he drinks himself silly. Like a drink a way from pissing the bed silly. In doing so he almost gets himself killed after a snark remark to Twatfrey...who seems to be more focused on picking on his midget uncle than banging his smoking hot fiance. 

Also, we learned once again why it's a bad idea to sit down while Tywin Lannister talks to you...you're just going to get your shit rocked. 

Sansa Stark truly is the Taylor Swift of Westeroes, except she's actually likeable and none of her failed relationships are her fault. So maybe she's the Selena Gomez. 

Tyrion declines to engage in his inner Lawrence Taylor and not sleep with the fourteen year-old Sansa and again does what any man does when he knows he's not going to get any action...he sleeps on the couch. Tyrion again adds to his likability and also makes the case for being the most relate-able person on the show. 

Wassup Sansa? DM me on Twitterr

Way out East we're given another tease of an assumed soon-to-be epic piece to Dany's conquest. She attempts to persuade the three leaders of The Second Son's to join her against the city of Yunkai. The three decide to kill Dany in her sleep and draw straws to see who is to do the deed. Luckily for Dany, it's Daario Naharis who, instead of killing her, kills his 'comrades' and decides to join her...pledging both his loyalty and love for her.

Daario was the MVP of the night as we now know that Dany has a thing for long-haired men who look like Eastern European porn stars. 

I also didn't think it would happen in the series again, but Emilia Clarke shows off what the Old and New Gods gave her and bares all. Wowza. 

All in all the episode proved that one the of best parts of watching Game of Thrones is getting rewarded for your patience. The interwoven stories are not only brilliant from a plotline point of view, but also with the thematic parallels and contrasts of the characters. 

For instance, the relationship of father-son/daughter  is a popular re-occurring theme throughout the series and last night was no different. The sons of great leaders perhaps suffer the most...both psychically and mentally. Gendry and the leeches. Tyrion being forced into a marriage with woman who never wants to sleep with him. Theon and his season of great misfortune. 

The contrasts are equally as interesting. Andy Greenwald pointed out while Sansa and Dany are supposed to be around the same age, they couldn't be more different. I pretty much agree...

However, regardless of being set in a fantasy world, the show is very good portraying real human problems we still have today and few things are as difficult as being a teenage girl. So despite their different roles and responsibilities, Sansa and Dany may have more in common then we think. Arya Stark is also probably not too far away from this herself. 

If Ned was still alive, he'd probably be losing a lot of that luscious hair. 

Nothing could have brought this episode down, but not including the Bran and Theon storylines certainly helped. As funny as it is to see Theon tortured, I was getting a little restless of seeing the wannabe Mr. Blonde make Theon's life a living hell. It was just a matter of time before he kicked on some Stealer's Wheel and cut off Theon's ear. 

If he really wants to torture Theon, he could just make him watch Bran's story from this season. 

Bottom line: the lows aren't very low and the highs are very high and that's why it's the best and most exciting show on television.