Marsh's OU Hate.

Ten Things I'd Rather Do Than Go To OU (Hey, that rhymes) 

1. Pour maple syrup down my pants and go sit on an anthill 

2. Unmask Mickey amongst a large group of children at Disney World 

3. Bathe Honey Boo Boo's mom and then film her bang the Honey Badger. 

4. Eat egg salad I found in a dumpster 

5. Run naked through a cactus patch 

6. Wear a diaper the rest of my life  

7. Be stuck on a desert island and watch Paul Blart: Mall Cop on repeat the rest of my life

8. Let my kid hang out with Eric Clapton in a hotel room (you may have to look this one up. Spoiler: it's a sad ending) 

9. Do time in a Turkish Prison 

10. Suck on a 9 volt in the shower 

5 Reasons to Hate Oklahoma 

5. Toby Keith 

Even though he's a very worthy number one, Toby Keith kicks off the countdown at number five. When he's not spitting on minorities or making shitty music, he does the world another great disservice as an OU fan.  I would be embarrassed if ESPN showed him sitting randomly in the crowd, much less have him stand on the sideline acting like Bob Stoops' special needs brother. 

To paraphrase to late and very great Greg Giraldo: Toby puts the "big" in bigot. 

4. This Little Bastard 

There was always that one kid in elementary school who seemingly wore the same thing every day. It was usually sweat pants and a t-shirt covered in food stains. On a good day he smelled like a combination of pee and hamster cage and his breath smelled like he ate nothing but dog food his whole life. He often blew his nose in his shirt and pulled his pants all the way down to take a piss. 

I have a strong feeling this kid was that kid. Fuck that kid. 

3. The 1980s

OU has had it's fair share of scandals but the 1980s were definitely the scummiest years of the program. They were so atrociously fucked up, they almost made Miami look like BYU. Almost. And please don't bring up the TCU "scandal". Five guys selling bags of pot to their buddies comes nowhere close to OU in the 80s.  

It all started at the top with Barry Switzer. Not only having his own legal troubles, Barry had absolutely zero control of his team. When they weren't pretending they were Pablo Escobar, or doing other hood rat stuff such as robbing and raping, The Sooners played football and won games the best way they knew how...steroids. Brian Bosworth is the prime example of this. Even though the Boz is actually pretty cool, he arguably put more things in his ass during his years at OU than Mr. Slave on South Park. The mere fact that Switzer turned the other cheek (pun intended) to this activity shows you what a piece of shit program they were.

2. Their Fans 

"Thanks, my mom did it :)" -Badass Steve.  

Sure they have some attractive women. But move past the sorority houses and you'll be surrounded by men and women who look like the kinds of people that rich folk used to pay money to laugh at at carnivals.

They only care about two things: Winning National Championships and Beating Texas. While these may sound like reasonable things, it is literally, all they care about. It could very well explain why OU seems to collapse at the end of every season or lose numerous BCS games. If they aren't playing Texas or are in title game, the coaches, players, and fans simply don't give a shit. 

1. "Big Game" Bob Stoops 

                         "A championship program cannot comprise its values"-B. Stoop 2005. 

the old air jibber

The man. The myth. The mediocre. Big Game Bob sure has given us some laughs over the years. While I can't really laugh for him losing to Boise in a BCS game, because been there done that, I can hate him for letting those fuckers get on the map.

I feel like Bob Stoops pretty much explains himself, but here's a fun picture to help out