Peace, Love and OVO: Why Houston Needs Johnny Manziel.

By Marshall Weber 

For a team that a lot of folks picked to not only play in New Jersey at season’s end, but to win it outright, the Texans have to be the biggest disappointment in the NFL this season. Even with the most exciting defensive player, JJ Watt, who continues to tear it up, the Texans are 2-7.  

The Texans did achieve a ‘franchise first’ this year, but losing 7 straight games was not exactly the ‘franchise first’ anyone had expected. Losing their first playoff game would’ve seemed like a disappointment, let alone not winning their division, let alone not making the playoffs, let alone (possibly) not winning five games.

Case Keennum has done an admirable job since taking over for Houston’s Public Enemy No. 1 just a few weeks ago, but he’s not the answer for the long term. So this brings up something for Houston fans to be really excited for.

Johnny Manziel.

Now We’re Gonna Party Like It’s 1999.

The initiative to bring the Heaven back to the City of Syrup was led by the billionaire founder of Reliant Energy, Bob McNair. McNair, who previously tried to bring an NHL team to Houston (…why?), had an especially daunting task because then-Commissioner Paul Tagliabue had promised to put a Browns team back in Cleveland, thus leaving room for one more expansion team to put the NFL at an even 32-team league. It was almost certain that the 32^ndteam would find its home in L.A., and in March of 1999 the NFL Owners voted in favor, 29-2, to give a team back to Los Angeles.

But by October 1999, Tagliabue, growing tired of Los Angeles’ inability to get anything done with regards to their football team, gave McNair and his Houston project a meeting. McNair was quick to ante LA’s $590 million investment and proposed $700 million plan of his own. The NFL Owners voted unanimously in favor and just like that, Houston had a team again, appropriately named the Texans.

Lolz Angeles.

Bulls On Parade

On September 8^th, 2002, The Houston Texans played their first game as an NFL Franchise, as they beat their intrastate rival Dallas Cowboys by the score of 19-10.

Johnny Manziel was 9 years old.

The Texans’ first 4 years in the league seemed to define “expansion”. Unlike the Browns in Cleveland, McNair was selling Houston something completely new and had to rebuild an entirely new football identity for the city. The only thing non-Houstonians really knew about the Texans was that they drafted Mario Williams over Vince Young and Reggie Bush. Which, by the way, Good…Great call. 

What seemed like a rough transition initially, the Texans began to find a voice when Houston-native Gary Kubiak became the head coach in 2006. Kubiak quickly turned the lowly squad into a .500 team and took them to their first playoff appearance during the 2009-10 campaign.

But the best thing to happen for the Texans was when the identity of the fandom was no longer just bitter Cowboys-haters, but one that was uniquely there’s…McNair had succeeded.

Cue “Bulls on Parade”

Johnny Come Lately

But even with this growing culture and recent success, the Texans are still missing something they’ve always lacked: a quarterback

Like a rollercoaster at the now-defunct Astro World, the quarterback situation in Houston has had some thrills, but overall it has been a nauseating experience. With a turnover rate that rivals a low-level retail job, the Texans have had nine different starting quarterbacks in their eleven-year history. The prestigious list includes: David Carr, Tony Banks, Dave Ragone, Matt Shaub, Sage Rosenfels, TJ Yates, Matt Leinart, and most recently Case Keenum.

Granted, some of these names were due to injury, but it’s never been a Matt Cassel briefly replacing Tom Brady situation. It’s been more like driving around a rented KIA Sorrento while your Ford Taurus is getting repaired.

So even with Case Keenum doing an admirable job, it’s pretty clear that the Texans will draft a quarterback in 2014.

So why not Johnny Manziel?

Despite being the most exciting college football player of all-time, Manziel is not at the top of this year’s quarterback class.

On paper it makes sense. He’s not the cookie-cutter NFL quarterback. Even with some of the teams in the league undergoing the awkward metamorphosis of applying the spread offense at the pro level, Johnny Manziel still seems like a big risk to these teams. This is quite strange when you consider who’s failed and who’s succeeded in these balanced offenses. 

There are numerous comparisons to Johnny and current NFL players, both good and bad. Aside from him not loving the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ nearly as much, less intelligent critics of Manziel compare him to media punching bag, Tim Tebow.

Nope.

More intelligent critics of Manziel, see him as an RG III, Colin Kap, or Cam Newton.

Better. But still no.

For me, he’s always been a more versatile Roger Staubach or maybe even Drew Brees.

But perhaps Russell Wilson, who has 19-6 record as a starter in the regular season, is most analogous to Manziel. While other duel-threat wunderkinds like Robert Griffin III and Colin Kapernick have had underwhelming 2013 seasons, Wilson remains resilient to the NFL cracking the spread-code.

Not only is his skill set similar, but Wilson, like Manziel, was always doubted because of his size. Both guys are probably right at 6-foot and were both rated as Two Star (out of Five) prospects on Rivals coming out of high school. Wilson was also overlooked in the Draft because of the various prejudices of size and system, but quickly shut people up when he started to play.

Both kids seem to be fueled by criticism. Especially Johnny. And if it’s worked for Wilson, there’s no reason to think Manziel could not only achieve the same level of success, but surpass it as well.

  

MO CITY DON

Just like the 9 realms perfectly aligned in Thor: The Dark World, the lackluster 2013-14 season may be a #blessing in disguise for Houston.

But can Manziel make it in Houston?

Texas is obviously a very, very large place, but on a Texas-sized scale, College Station is a stone’s throw from Houston and has the largest A&M alumni population of any other city in the United States. So, at the very least, there’s that.

What else…

I’m trying to think if there’s another Tyler-born, ex-Heisman Trophy-winner that was important to one of Houston’s NFL teams…

Oh yeah…Earl F’ing Campbell.

In addition to having an absolutely fantastic sausage franchise, The Tyler Rose/EFC, along with the recently departed Bum Phillips, defined the Houston Oilers. Despite never even appearing in a Super Bowl, Phillips and Campbell had Demigod-status in Houston.

Not even being anything to close to an Oilers fan, and departing with my Longhorn fandom in 2008, there should be no reason why I salivate over a very expensively framed Earl Campbell Oilers jersey in my room that reads “Peace and Love-Earl Campbell”. But the fact that I do, says something.

Demigods.

It’s not just Earl Campbell either. 

Houston has always been a unique place for superstars to excel in their home state. Nolan Ryan, a native of Allen, played with the Astros from 1980-88. Clyde “The Glyde” Drexler, the Houston Cougar alum, helped shape Clutch City in 1995 and gave Houston its last sports title…if you exclude the Comet Dynasty (did Lil’ Flip ever buy them btw?)

However, there’s something to be said about starting, rather than finishing/ or stopping midway through one’s career in your home state…

The Astros didn’t define Nolan’s identity anymore the Angels, Mets, or Rangers. The same could be said for Andy Petite and Roger Clemens.

Drexler’s brilliant three-year coda in Houston was amazing. But one has to think how much more legendary it would’ve been had he not played his first twelve years in Portland.

When I think of what JFF could be in the NFL, I think of Cal Ripken and Tony Gwynn; home-state heroes who achieved their own Demigod status and spent their entire careers in Baltimore and San Diego respectively. You can even think of LeBron’s first seven years in Cleveland before heading to the team that parties in the city where the Heat is on. What could’ve been. #:(

However, we get lucky with the NFL. We don’t have the block-bluster trades as often as we do in the other major sports and if you’re an elite quarterback, you’ll probably stay with one team your whole career.

How’s this for a list: Tom Brady, John Elway, Dan Marino, Troy Aikman, Roger Staubach, Bart Starr, Ken Anderson, Sammy Baugh, Terry Bradshaw, Donovan McNabb, and Phil Sims…to name a few.

We are also lucky NFL fandom is more forgiving of awkward career endings.

Peyton Manning is kind of an anomaly, but he will more defined as a Colt than a Bronco.Speaking of the Colts, the legendary Johnny U’s career has almost no mention of his final and only season with San Diego Chargers in 1973.No one talks about Joe Montana pulling a Johnny U, as he spent his final year in Kansas City. And even if you’re a Jets or Falcons fan (or were harassed with a dick-pic in Minnesota), chances are you’ll probably remember Brett Lorenzo Favre as a Packer.

If you’re a great quarterback, that team will do everything they can to keep you forever. You build your life around that place. I can see Johnny building an Empire in Houston. I can’t say the same for Jacksonville or Minnesota.

CRYSTAL, MAYBACH, DIAMONDS ON YOUR TIMEPIECE

It’s no secret that that Johnny loves the finer things in life. If we uphold the idea that he should stay in Texas, the path to Houston would be paved in gold, while the road to Dallas would be damp with the oxy-laced tears of Ryan Leaf and all the other should’ve-beens.  

The Texans will never be the Dallas Cowboys…and they shouldn’t want to be either. If I were Houston, I would purge any sort of anti-Dallas residents and forget them all together.

But if the Texans want to give one final “fuck you” to the Cowboys, they should draft Manziel.

JFF, or anyone like him, would be disastrous in Dallas, as Jerry Jones would kill that career quicker than James Dean’s.

Jones is a strange combination of both Darth Vader and a doormat. This is proven by the fact that Tony Romo continues to run our franchise into the ground and acts like the 28-year-old douchebag in rec league softball that still wears his hat backwards.

Every negative characteristic associated with JFF would only be accelerated in Dallas and he’d be an afterthought in five years.

But the silver-haired monster wouldn’t care. He’d just sit up in the Death Star Headquarters, smirking that he could jack up ticket prices and still sell out every game with Manziel taking snaps and thankful that Bruce Jenner’s awful plastic surgery overshadows the stretched pleather disaster on his own face.

The opposite goes for the Texans.

Dallas is a ‘me’ team while Houston is a ‘we’ team.

Houston is the place where Johnny can become the player and teammate he needs to in order to be dominant in the NFL and still keep his tigers on a gold leash.

Is it a risk? Sure. But the potential reward greatly outweighs the potential failures. If he does fail, who cares? The Texans are basically right back where they are every other year…a great team without a great quarterback.

Bottom line: Houston needs Johnny just as much as Johnny needs Houston.

So here’s a brief letter…

Dear Texans Front Office,

Even if he doesn’t become the LeBron James of the NFL, don’t Sam Bowie yourselves.

Take the risk.

To paraphrase ABBA, “Take a chance on (Johnny)”.

Let my future son, or daughter, question my sanity when I hang up an expensively framed Johnny Manziel signed jersey that reads:

“Peace, Love, and #OVO, -Johnny Manziel”